Life’s Too Short…

Life’s Too Short…

To Dance with Ugly Women

           Jokes, One-Liners and Quotes about Women Life's Too Short Cover Image

A Man’s Guide to Women!
Now, the jokes are on them!

New book from Danielle Adams Publishing
234 pages, 5-½” x 8-½” · Edited by Dr. Mann – Just $19.95

Paperback – Just $19.95 + $5 shipping/handling
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    Yea, It’s that Funny!

I mean it’s really, really Funny.

In fact, it’s more than really really Funny — it’s F-U-N-N-Y.

If you’re a man, you’re gonna love this book. At just $19.95 (ebook) you’d be crazy not to buy this book! The first hundred laughs will more than cover this ten dollar investment! And the lifetime of smiles and great sayings you’ll use over and over will make you king-like in bars, at parties and at gas station mini-marts and 7-11’s across the country.  It’s value will increase over time. OK… maybe, maybe not.

If you’re a woman… Actually you shouldn’t buy this book – it’s not for you (unless it’s a gift for a man!).  If you buy this book and don’t like it — hey, we warned you.  It’s not our fault if you can’t follow instructions! Life’s Too Short speaks volumes about women – FUNNY volumes.


Life’s Too Short To Dance with Ugly Women is a man’s joke book. 

    Fast-paced and fun right from the start with sayings and one liners about man’s favorite — and not so favorite subject — Women.

Nothing mean or nasty.  OK, well maybe just a few – but seriously, or not seriously – it’s mostly just accurate and descriptive, with sayings like:  

Any woman who says she’ll meet you half way is usually
a poor judge of distance.

When women get a divorce they all ask for custody of the money.

She may not marry you for your money — but she may not know
any other way to get it.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.

Diamonds – the hardest substance known to man, especially to get back.

Adolescence – when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes!

Here’s what you get, including the page numbers.  You just gotta buy this book: Life’s Too Short to Dance with Ugly Women.  It’s only $19.95 for the ebook version – you’ve wasted more than five times that on a mediocre bottle of wine.  Not for sale to women — unless you’re buying it as a gift for a man.  Please bring a note.

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Life’s Too Short, Just $19.95 + $5 shipping

Life’s Too Short To Dance with Ugly Women

        Women.  Now the jokes are on them.

Table of Contents:


Every woman has a secret desire to write checks.
        Sayings about Women        Page  21

Give a woman an inch, and she thinks she’s a ruler.
              One and Two Liners about Women       Page 27

“I could hug you till you break,” he said passionately, and gave her a big
squeeze, until he felt her crack.
                More One and Two Liners        Page 31

A man is as old as the woman he feels.
         More Sayings about Women        Page 35

If you want to know why they’re called the opposite sex,
express an opinion!
                Still More Sayings            Page 39

She’s one of 5 million overweight women.
These, of course, are round figures.
               Just Jokes (These jokes are Justified!)      Page 43

“Carry your bag, sir?”
“No, let her walk!”
                  Conversations Overheard…            Page 77

“What do you do when a woman faints?”
Dr. Mann:  “I stop Kissing Her!”
                     Ask Dr. Mann         Page 85

Show Me Your Tits!
        Men’s Words & Sayings           Page 92

Why is a fat girl like a moped?
They’re both fun to ride till a friend sees you!
               Burning Questions About Women    Page 93

If your wife wants to learn to drive,
don’t stand in her way.
               Wives, and other strange stories       Page  99

Wife: An attachment you screw on the bed
to get the housework done.
                 Definitions        Page 105

Foreplay is optional!
                Why it’s GREAT being a guy     Page 111

“It’s only the third quarter – you should order another couple of pitchers.”
              Things a good woman will say…        Page 113

They seem to be the perfect couple – she waxes the floor,
and he takes a bottle and polishes it off.
               Marriage        Page 117

“Say Waiter, what time is it?”
“Sorry, this Isn’t my table”
                Men Jokes            Page 123

Q. What’s the definition of Making Love?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is humping her.
                Questions about men and women   Page 127

Doilies.  If it wasn’t for women, we wouldn’t have this stuff.
                 Women Stuff        Page 134

“I’m hung like a loaf of Italian Bread!”
             Automobile Sayings    (Car Signs)    135

Wrinkles add character
            103 More reasons is GREAT being a guy    Page 147

A Quick 10-Question Manly Test    156

Pass My Shotgun
    What PMS really stands for…    Page 158


Here’s to women, if we could only fall into
their arms without falling into their hands.
        Ambrose Bierce

Quotations about Women     Page  165

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
        Rudyard Kipling

More Quotations about Women     Page 169

If a woman likes another woman, she’s cordial.
If she doesn’t like her, she’s very cordial.
         Irvin S. Cobb

Still More Quotes About Women       Page 175

Let us have wine and women, mirth and lafter,
sermons and soda water the day after.
        Lord Byron

Some people like women    Page 179

Men, some to pleasure, some to business take,
but every woman is at heart a rake.
    Alexander Pope

Some people don’t like women    Page 181

Next to the wound, what women make best
is the bandage. 
Barbey d’Aurevilly

Some people have mixed feelings    Page 183

A true gentlemen is one who is never
unintentionally rude. 
Oscar Wilde

Sayings about Men      Page 187

When thou goest to woman, take thy whip.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

These people are tough on women  Page 191

All tragedies are finished by a death,
All comedies are ended by a marriage.
        Lord Byron

Quotations about Marriage     Page 195

In the election of a wife as in a project of war,
to err but once is to be undone forever.
        Thomas Middleton

Quotations about Wives   Page 201

Apparently, the way to a girl’s heart is
to saw her in half.
      Victor Mature

Famous People Quotations  Page 203

You call this a party?  The beer is warm
and the women are cold!
       Groucho Marx

Movie Quotations about Women   Page 207

The years that a woman subtracts from her age
are not lost.  They are added onto the ages of other women.
Deane de Poitiers

Quotes from Women, on Women  Page 213

Never trust a woman who tells her real age.
A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.
        Oscar Wilde

Advice      Page 219

A woman always has her revenge ready.
 Moliere  Warningser
Warnings       Page 223

We hope you enjoy this book – If you like women – it’s really very funny.
If you’ve ever had a problem with a woman, it’s really very funnier!

If you just got a divorce – it’s really really very funnier.

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